Me and Larry warming up the guitars before headlining the Columbus Ohio Funnybone Comedy Club.
Me and Larry warming up the guitars before headlining the Columbus Ohio Funnybone Comedy Club.
This one goes out to my buddy Kevin LaPrade.
Mark Gregory is headlining major comedy clubs all over the United States. As he should be. After all, he comes from a great comedy pedigree. Nephew of the legendary comedian and one of my personal comedy icons, Dick Gregory, Mark has learned from the very best.
I also talk about how black comedy has influenced me personally as an artist, and give a shoutout to GLADIATOR SOAP. My favorite new soap made specifically for jiu jitsu fighters, grapplers, and the gladiator in you!
I was driving through Oklahoma. I was tired. I just did a string of stand up gigs and now I was road tripping from Los Angeles to Columbus Ohio and started off following Old Route 66. I stopped at a hotel. I paid for one night. I probably should have asked to look at the room first. I guess I also probably should have avoided a hotel on the corner of Crack Alley and Eightball Lane. As I pulled my bags out of the car I was greeted by a hooker. She was probably 475 years old. I think maybe her claim to fame was that she once blew Benjamin Franklin. I was only going to shower, sleep a few hours, and drive. I’ll ignore her and go to my room.
The room had a bad vibe. I cant explain it. My gut was telling me to leave immediately. But I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to sleep. I undressed and got in the shower before I noticed the blood stains. That’s right. blood stains on the wall. Was someone murdered in this bathroom?? Should I ask for some kind of price break for that kind of thing? I’m not sure. I turned on the hot water. A hot shower was definitely in order. The water dripped out. I’m not saying the water pressure is bad. No. I’m saying that there was no water pressure whatsoever. It was fine. I went with it. I sat under the lukewarm gentle stream of Oklahoma City water and did the best I could to get clean.
That’s when the neighbors started having sex. Not normal sex. Weird kind of awkward sex. Luckily it didn’t last long. The guy came quick and then through the paper thin walls I heard them solving the worlds problems by quoting their favorite hardcore metal songs. Maybe I should leave? I should leave, right? Nah. I’ll put on some soft music to drown them out and go to sleep. As soon as I check my email.
I turn on my computer and a cockroach crawled across my screen. Not just a normal sized cockroach. It was wearing the new Jordans. It had to be 6 foot two inches tall. Easy. It ran across the room. I threw a shoe at it and tried to kill it. It caught the shoe and threw it back. Hit me right in the face. That was the last straw.
I grabbed my bags and opened the front door just in time to see a pickup truck drive very slowly past with a greasy looking driver who instead of keeping his eye on the road, stared at me with a wild grin on his face as he passed by. I walked down and packed up my car and was immediately greeted by the 9000 year old hooker.
“Leaving already?” She said. “But for an extra twenty I can take my teeth out!”
I punched the gas pedal like Chris Brown punches a woman and I got my black ass on out of there.
Not thinking clearly I pulled onto the turnpike and drove a long ways. I wanted to get as far away from that place as possible. I drove to a little town in the country. It was 1 AM. I found an Econolodge in the middle of nowhere. My room was around the back of the building, where the woods are. Fine. I just needed to get some sleep. I walked around the corner and the next thing I knew I was face to face with a wolf. A WOLF. Not a dog. Not a coyote. A damn WOLF, brah.
We looked at each other for a long time. I wasn’t scared. I don’t think she was either. I felt like she was waiting for me to throw her some food, or pet her, or something. I’m not sure what. But I didn’t feel threatened. Then she turned and headed for the trees. She took one last look at me and disappeared into the woods.
I’d never been in the presence of a wild wolf before. I’m a city boy. This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me much. But there we were. It was a beautiful moment. If I were a man who believes that life gives you signs, I would think that that moment meant something. Maybe it did. I don’t know. But it was pretty cool. Oklahoma knocked me out with that one. And to think, I would have never seen her if I would have stayed and slept at the Old Hooker Cockroach Inn back in Oklahoma City.
I live for little moments like that moment I had with that wolf.
Jake’s Travel Tip #1: ACTIVATE THE POINTS!!
I’m shocked that there are so many people out there who have credit cards and they don’t have the travel point programs activated. I meet them all the time. What’s funny is that 9 out of 10 times it’s someone who loves travel. What is up with this?? Did you people bump your heads? Just the other day my friend said “Gee, I wish I could travel more. I always wanted to go to India.”
I asked her why she didn’t use his travel points on her credit card. She looked at me like I had seven heads. She didn’t even have an answer. She had a credit card. I knew she had a credit card. In fact, she has had one for years. Not only that, but she used it all the time! Shoes, gas, purses, food, Coffee. She used her card almost every day! Her dream was to go spend a week in a hut on the beaches of Goa. Well if she had saved up her points all these years, as inexpensive as it is in Goa, she could have flown there and stayed for a month and spent very little. But she didn’t activate the points. I’m telling you that you have got to activate the points, damn it. THE POINTS!
A nightclub in Eastern Europe wanted to book me to do a stand up comedy show for them. The money was not bad, but they didn’t want to kick in airfare. So I thought about it, and figured that if I was going to be in Europe, I might as well stay for a month or two. Do a European tour. I busted my ass sending out emails with links to my youtube clips and low and behold, I booked a whole tour. I used my points on airfare and the nights I had off I stayed in hotels for free because I had saved up my points for quite a while. I did comedy in 4 countries and stayed a whole month and had the time of my life for basically getting paid to experience Europe.
I have a friend who is in so many points programs it’s crazy. He’s smart. He tries to stay at the same hotel chain whenever he travels to rack up the points on their program. He always flies United and takes advantage of their point system. You pretty much have to pay for your plane ticket with a credit card these days. So he uses the card to buy those tickets that gives him more points! He has used those points for damn near completely free trips to Cuba, Southeast Asia, and Columbia. What I’m saying to you is that if you have a credit card and you are not signed on to their points program… You’re doing life all wrong.
Another friend of mine was given a company credit card for work and he actually talked his boss into letting him keep the travel points. Every day he was like “Need me to buy anything for the office, boss? Supplies? Anything? Can I put it on the company card?”
He wanted the points baby! Give me the points!
Speaking of stories about the way friends used their travel points. I had one friend use his travel points to buy prostitutes in Chiang Mai Thailand! He got an STD but he used his points at the clinic and got all healed up. The travel points can actually cure your STD! That friend’s name was Charlie Sheen. Winning!
Okay I just made that last part up to see if you were paying attention. None of that actually happened. Well, some of it happened. But that’s not important. What’s important is that you should give me your travel points.
Boy, that one really got away from me.
Give me the points!
On stage at the first annual Bucharest Romania Comedy Festival.
Griff Pippen is a fascinating guy and an incredible comedian. He has performed his act in 16 different countries! I recently met up with him at “Le Pain Quotidien” in Los Angeles California. We had coffee and he told me some of the wildest and most hilarious stories I think I’ve ever been told on my podcast “The Road to Ruin” (available on iTunes.) Including a trip to Mexico that started off great and then spiraled into a trip to Hell, doing stand up comedy in Dubai, and accidentally paying for sex with a beautiful woman who “used to have a dick” in Amsterdam.
The guy had me howling with laughter and I think he will have you laughing too in this fresh episode. Also, a song I wrote about the secret to quitting alcohol. It’s called “Goodbye Whiskey Hello Crystal Meth.”
Subscribe to The Road to Ruin on iTunes!! Thank you for your support!!
Comedian Griff Pippen has done stand up comedy in 16 countries and has great stories to prove it.
I love Mexican food and I love the Mexican people. I could eat Mexican every day. I mean the people. Not the food. But I do love Mexican food nonetheless. I’ve spent the last few months in Los Angeles and I have to say, it has the very best Mexican cuisine I’ve ever had in my life. It’s made by REAL MEXICANS. I mean real “we didn’t come here legally and screw Donald Trump” Mexicans. Oh, and it is delicious! You want good Mexican? Don’t go to Mexico. Go to Los Angeles. Believe me. In fact, that goes for almost any kind of food. You like Thai food? Go to Los Angeles. The Thai food there is incredible. And it’s made by REAL MEXICANS.
I love it!
I recently talked to Soap Opera superstar Melissa Archer. Melissa is an incredibly talented actress who has had long runs as a lead in two of the biggest soap operas in the history of television: “Days of Our Lives” and “One Life to Live.” We got talking about our favorite Mexican restaurants in the LA area. Since she lives in LA and is a Mexican food junkie like me, I would consider her an expert. Here is her list vs. MY list.
Melissa Archer’s favorite Los Angeles Mexican Restaurants:
“El Coyote” on Beverly Blvd, “El Carmen” on West 3rd, “LA Buns” in Santa Monica, “Gardens of Taxco” 1113 N. Harper Ave, “El Campadre” on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood.
Jake Iannarino’s favorite Los Angeles Mexican Restaurants:
“Mercado” on Cahuenga Ave, “El Torito” at the Galleria in Sherman Oaks on Ventura Blvd, “Casa Vega” in Studio City, “El Coyote” on Beverly Blvd, and “El Campadre” on Sunset Blvd.
As you can see, “El Coyote” and “El Campadre” made both of our lists. So if you’re in LA maybe you should check them out. I don’t normally write about food, but I felt like it. So kiss my black ass!
Soap Star and Mexican Food Junkie Melissa Archer.